Stories of life in the suburbs with Husband and our daughter Squishy and son Button!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I've come home at last...

Hello, all. It's been a while since I last graced the presence of this blog. This is my second lapse since starting. I will not promise that it will be the last.

I just spent an hour or so reading my past blogs and noticed that the writing style is fuzzy. I will attempt better use of punctuation in the future.

My current life is very different from the one I left on this blog well over a year ago!

Squishy is a remarkable three year old. She's smart as a whip and can carry a decent conversation for a girl her age.

"Where do all the colors come from?"

Quite an icebreaker, if you ask me.

Button will be two in June. He's all boy. Those of you with boys will know what I mean. He can charm his way out of a poopy diaper. He looks so much like his father at times. Maybe that's why he has me wrapped around his little finger.

We bought a house this past December. It's in a neighboring suburb so we are still close to family. The kids have their own rooms. The laundry room is on the same level as the bedrooms. Those are my favorite things.

There's big news on the horizon and it's not what you think...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Family of Four

Previously on Expert Mommy... (Read this first!)

There would be no time for drugs. The fetenyl was sitting on the counter across the room. I could see it. But I couldn't have it. All around me there was a mad scramble happening. The combination of laying on that bed, being told that I was in transition, and that I would be doing it on my own made me lose control.

Let me tell you something: Everything I learned when I was preparing for a natural labor and delivery was about control. Owning your body, listening to your body, shutting out as much of the world as I could. I didn't know what techniques would work for me so I learned them all. I trusted Husband to protect me so I didn't have to defend myself. All of me was focused and in control of my situation. My preparation had prepared me for this. But I was distracted for a minute and it all vanished.

I lost control. It all came flooding back in and I was in intense pain. Before, like, 15 minutes before, nothing was different except I was in control. When I lost focus, the pain took over. I was losing. That's why this next part is so amazing and important to this story. My nurse who hadn't left my side since the bathtub grabbed my hand in both of hers and breathed “He-He-He-Whoo”. We locked eyes and breathed together. The world melted away and I got focus right away. I was in control again. The pain stopped.

I turned to face Husband who took up the rythym of “He-He-He-Whoo”. My mom came in at that point, someone had paged her. She was at my left shoulder and I was staring into my husband’s eyes. I was falling asleep. I was in a trance of breathing. I knew nothing else. Midwife cleared my cervix that was really just a lip and whispered (it seemed) that I was going to let baby come down on his own and when I couldn't not push anymore we would push.

“He-He-He Whoo…I need to push…” I whispered
"Let that baby come down..." Midwife whispered back

Then, all of a sudden, it was time. Pressure, heat, sharp. My body snapped into work mode and I pushed hard. Midwife said “This is a big baby.” Not quite the thing you want to hear when you’re pushing said baby out of your snatch, I thought. I pushed for 11 minutes that seemed like 2 minutes. He pooped all over everyone then put right on my chest at 5:54PM. All I could say was "Mom, I did it!" My mom and I were both crying.

We did delayed cord clamping. After only 5 minutes, it had stopped pulsing so Husband did the honors. Midwife gave me three little stitches. My nurse told husband that the kitchen closed at 6:30 so he should order me some food. She had great priorities. A hot meal is just what I needed.

Midwife and my mom knew that I was scared to have the baby taken away like Squishy had been, and they jumped to my defense when the nurse who came in to measure Button was getting pushy. I was still holding him and he was already nursing like a champ. My meal came and I had baked salmon and broccoli and a roll fed to me since I needed both my hands for Button. My nurse drew a bath and asked if I wanted to soak with him.

He was measured on our way to the bathtub. A brick of a baby. Tipping the scales at 9 pounds 5 ounces and 23 inches long. Husband and I went through our list of names and decided. My labor was less than 5 hours long.

I wouldn't change one minute of the day. Button and I were discharged 24 hours later. To my son:  may I be worthy of you.

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Hardest Button to Button

I was ready for labor. My uterus was not. I was to the point that I was throwing out my natural birth plan and willing to take anything that would get Button out as fast as possible. I was at 5cm/50% effaced/-1 station for two weeks without contractions. I was miserable, but what really got to me was that I couldn't take care of Squishy. She’s 21 months and very active and I couldn't do anything. I was ready to be done.

My mom was the labor charge nurse on Father's Day, and she called me that morning and said that my favorite midwife was working a 24 hour shift and that it was slow. Midwife had told me a few weeks ago that if I was walking around at 5cm, she would admit me and break my water to get things going. This is exactly what I wanted at this point. I called Midwife and after a few minutes of negotiating how long she would give me to get contractions going (we decided 12 hours) Husband and I packed up for the hospital, ate a good breakfast, and his parents came over to watch Squishy. It was baby time! 

It was strange to be going to the hospital to get induced. I had spent the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy training for a natural labor. I had made my nurses treats three times expecting to have had Button as each week passed. In fact, one of those weeks the midwife I saw said I would have him within the next two days. Never promise an almost overdue pregnant woman a baby if you can't deliver. Haha, get it? Deliver. 

We arrived, parked, and nonchalantly waddled to triage. Hanging out in triage, never thought I'd be doing that. Sipping coffee and snaking on the nurse treat I brought. It was slow enough that my mom stopped by and said that one of her best friends, B, would be my nurse at least until 8PM. I had met her several times and she’s really great. Midwife came in and said she would admit me and break my water. We were officially staying. 

We got the best room in the ward. Huge with plenty of room for activities. Midwife broke my water and started the clock. I had 12 hours to get labor going in earnest or pitocin (my nemesis at this point) would be administered. I was cleared for "maternal activity" which is exactly as boring as it sounds. As long as Button's heart rate looked good I was free to waddle around the ward. Out of every 60 minutes, 15 were to be spent lying on a bed. I could work with that. Lucky for me, contractions started right away! 

I didn't want to time contractions at all, thinking I would become obsessed with them. I was having contractions and that was that. We did two walking/monitoring sessions before I decided my PJs were too hot and wanted to be naked for a while, and the pain was picking up. We were in the room for monitoring and lying on that damn bed was horrible. I needed to move my hips. I was being very vocal with low moaning, staring out the window and wiggling my toes and fingers to try to keep my arms and legs loose. Husband kept me moving as much as he could. B, my nurse, filled up the tub and put a lavender patch on my chest.

I was in the tub for about 30 minutes on hands and knees rocking back and forth listening to some music. It was pretty painful, and I was feeling lots of pressure like I had a really powerful fart about to break loose. Husband sat next to the tub pouring cups of water on my back. I kept up with the low moaning and adding in “I need to poooooooop.” at the end of each wave of pain.

I knew I had about 7 hours of labor left and it was only going to get worse. It was already really bad and had only been 4 hours or so. I knew I couldn’t do this for another 7 hours, I told Husband wanted something for the pain. Not an epidural, but a shot of fentanyl. I said “I can do it with the fentanyl. Just something to take the edge off.” Husband told B, and she said that I would have to get out of the tub, dry off, and get checked by Midwife before getting an IV. It was going to take some time but she would order the drugs and page Midwife to my room. I got up and out of the tub and she wrapped me up in two warm sheets which felt amazing. I wasn’t getting a break in between waves of pain and pressure. It took about 20 minutes to get from the bathroom to the bed. I put my arms around my husband’s neck and rocked. I moaned “Button” focusing on the fact that my son was also doing a lot of hard work right now too. Standing felt better than hands and knees. B offered to hard line the fentanyl (no IV required) after Midwife checked me. She was still on her way.

Midwife came in and was very shocked to see such a fast change in my demeanor. I was naked, half wet, rocking on Husband and moaning when an hour and a half previous we had been chatting in the hall. I got in the bed and lost focus. Being in the bed was awful. I was starting to yell instead of breathe. I shouted for an epidural just as Midwife checked me. Then shit hit the fan.

Midwife: “Yeah, she’s 9cm and +2. This baby is coming now.”

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Overdue and Twiddling My Thumbs

I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. You don't usually start counting day-to-day until 40 weeks. I didn't think I'd get to 40 let alone 40 and 4! But, there I was. 

I thought Button was just waiting for me to finish my knitting project. Nope. 

Then I thought Button was waiting for my mother in law to finish her knitting project. Nope. 

I was getting desperate. I really wanted to not be pregnant anymore. 

All the preparation, all the training for natural birth, everything I wanted and spent months talking about went right out the window. Induce me. Drug me up. I didn't care anymore. I cried every night. 

I would wake up every morning and wish it were night. I would lay down in bed crying every night wishing it were morning. I wanted the days to pass without me being asleep or awake. It was getting seriously uncomfortable to even be alive at all. 

The worst part was that Squishy was also suffering. I couldn't do anything. I sat on the couch all day. She tried her best to cope. She brought me books to read to her. But she couldn't even sit on my lap. We were suffering. 

I was days away from having another appointment with my midwife. On top of that I would have to sit through a non-stress test and go for an ultrasound to check fluid levels. These appointments had been scheduled for me across the span of an entire day. Three different trips to two places. Again, I was pleading with Button to come out. He was getting bigger every day. Maybe, I feared, too big.

Two days later, it was Father's Day.

Monday, June 4, 2012

So Ready to be Done...

It's not that I'm asking for labor.

Labor sucks. It's long, drawn out, and incredibly painful. Haven't I been through enough the past 39 weeks?

But even in an easy pregnancy like this one has been, the end is not comfortable. I'm huge. I'm puffy. My hips are killing me. I pee every few hours. And the worst part is that the end is in sight. The best part? The end is in sight. It could literally happen at any moment, and I want it to happen at some moments and not happen at other moments. Do I have any control over when labor starts? Absolutely not.

So, it's not that I'm asking for labor. I'm asking to be done being pregnant. It's just that in order to be done being pregnant, I have to go through labor. It's the inevitable next step. The only next step.

It's a strange state of mind.

Another part of it is that Squishy was born a few days before her due date. Everyone says that second babies come early. If I go even one day past 39 weeks and 4 days I'm going to have some kind of tiny mental breakdown. That's only four days from now, by the way. I'm full term. Button is fully cooked. I'm twiddling my thumbs, waiting for him to come out.

This is the customary end of pregnancy rant. I have to focus on the fact that I get a brand new tiny at the end of all this and he's going to be just wonderful. It's hard to focus on that. I have to pee again.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Button Blogs! Normal and Boring are the Best

I'll be 31 weeks pregnant on Monday. That's seven and a half months. I wish I could form my symptoms into some amazing adventure of how amazing the human body is, but that just ain't happening. I'm on my fourth draft of this post so far. I don't have anything interesting to report. I'm about ten weeks away from meeting Button and excitement has really taken over. I have been doing labor training in some way every day whether it be squats or contraction training, or just going out for a walk with Squishy.

I didn't know what to expect with how in tune I was going to be to Button when I have Squishy all the time. But really, since this pregnancy has been so utterly boring (that's a good thing!), I don't feel like I've changed that much. 

Squishy and I checking out our respective bellies.
I've been more logical about emotions, haven't cried at nothing for a while. Sometimes I'll get frustrated and just get over it right away because I assume I'm not in control of my own hormones at the moment. Medically speaking I'm doing well, which is also boring. My weight gain is normal, my fundal heights are normal, blood guessed it! Normal. 

The major difference between these two pregnancies is that I'm ready for labor and delivery this time. I'm actually excited about it. I've done it once before not knowing anything about what it was going to be like. I'm so excited to see Button's little baby face and have that feeling of "Oh my God, it's a baby!" all over again. It truly was magic the first time. I'm even more excited to introduce my Assistant House Manager to her little Deputy.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Assistant House Manager

Husband and I are so proud of our little Squishy. We have always given her a voice, as in we speak for her. We gave her a personality before she developed her own. Well, she's turning out to be exactly what we thought she would be. 

She's a year and half old, and so smart it knocks my socks off. I was amazed the first time she showed me that she knew which apartment door was ours, even though they all look exactly the same. But what still gets me is her communication skills. 

Although she doesn't have many words yet, she knows how to get her point across. Pointing and signing are her main methods of communication, but she's also picking up nodding to answer questions. We talk to her like she's a full grown human, and test her with small tasks like putting something away or finding a specific toy or book. 

She has really blossomed into the Assistant House Manager role that we jokingly gave her. She loves emptying the dishwasher or putting laundry away. When we are done with dinner, she's the first one to start carrying dishes back to the kitchen. Of course, whenever she helps she gets immense praise from us. She's always very proud of herself when she's helping. But I always count it as something extra that she's doing for me. She obviously doesn't have to help me with House Managing, but she's interested, and I don't see anything wrong with that. 

Today, she spilled some water on the coffee table. I asked her if she could go find something to clean it up, wondering what she would do. She immediately went to her room and took a shirt out of her dirty laundry basket, came back and wiped up the water. Then I asked her to put the shirt back in her laundry and she did. She was really proud of herself and clapped when she was done cleaning up the little spill. It's stuff like that that really gets me. She understands so much of what we are saying even though she doesn't say much herself. 

Her favorite activity is watching home videos of herself. I have a bunch posted on my Facebook page, and it's her way of relaxing. She'd watch them all day if I let her. Sometimes I want to let her, honestly, because I get the best cuddles when we sit and watch Squishy videos. Toddlers are busy little people, and she doesn't have much time for random cuddles with her full schedule of activities. Instead of random cuddles, she's taken to giving random kisses. It's much faster than cuddling, and just as adorable. Even though she doesn't understand pregnancy or a new baby, she kisses my belly whenever she sees it.

We are slowly but surely getting ready for Button's arrival. Squishy enjoys testing all the contraptions that Button will be using. Most recently, I purchased a swing from Craigslist. Squishy didn't waste any time testing it even though she hasn't been in a swing for about a year. Nothing but the best for her little Deputy Button.