Stories of life in the suburbs with Husband and our daughter Squishy and son Button!

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Thing With Dollar Bills...

I got mail today from my Grandma. It was a small package and there's no impending holiday (Grandmas are never late on birthdays or the like) so I knew it must be something good.

Yeah, it was really for Squishy. It was a pair of pink fleece footie PJs in the size Squish will be in for the winter. But there was something else...

A crisp one dollar bill and a note that explained the PJs and the rest said this: "Powerball is getting pretty big and it sucked me in on Saturday- probably will have to buy one on Wednesday also."

I laughed out loud like I always do and said to Husband: "G-Dubs sent another dollar."

I tucked the bill and note together and went to the closet. I opened a box where I keep all the cards from relatives. Within this box is an envelope with several one dollar bills. Some have notes, some don't.

No, Grandma is not at all crazy.

She's one of those "cool" grandmas. First of all, she's accepted the nickname "G-Dubs" from her six grandchildren. She promises to never get old. She will feed you until there is no food left (on the planet). She plays cards and wins. If the blender isn't making margaritas at the stroke of 5 PM she's like Miss Clavel: "Something is not right."  She makes sure you had breakfast while you're still eating it, and insists that the banana bread, muffin, pancakes and bacon you ate was certainly not enough and starts making you eggs. I swear if she weren't so damn Scandinavian I would bet that she was Jewish or Italian.

She also kicks me out of her will on occasion. And reminds me that I was dropped off by the Gypsies and that God will get me someday. These are all special traditions we have.

But here's the thing about the dollar...

Many years ago, I went to Florida with my mom for spring break to stay at my grandparents' condo. I went with Grandma to the grocery store to get some items for dinner. In the parking lot on the way out, Grandma stopped and exclaimed "Oh shoot, I forgot to buy a Powerball ticket." Now, hoping that she hadn't been an old lady duped into spending lots of money on the lottery, I posed a simple question:

Me: "Grandma, you know the odds of the lottery, right?"
G: "Yes, but I don't do it every day."
Me: "Let me see the dollar you were gonna use to buy the ticket."
G: *Hands me a dollar bill*
Me: "What numbers were you gonna use?"
G: "Well, I always use all your birthdays so 18, 22, 16, 27, and 24"
Me: "Hmmm...Nope, you didn't win." And I pocketed the dollar.

We created tradition that day. I told grandma that every time she fell victim to buying a lottery ticket she owed me a dollar. My mom will come home from trips to Florida with gifts for everyone and a dollar bill for me. In a birthday card I once got a 20 dollar bill and a single with a post it on it that said: "At this rate neither one of us will  be rich."

This is the first and only time that my sarcasm has earned me a semi-regular paycheck. Although it is far below minimum wage, it is tax free. Now that I'm thinking about it, this collection of dollars may be my only form of inheritance from her, seeing that I'm out of the will and all.

I have all the original dollars and I don't plan on spending them, but maybe when I have enough, I'll buy G-Dubs something nice.

1 comment:

  1. Cute story! I love Grandmas, haha. I called mine today to wish her a happy birthday and she randomly asked me if I had a tool box. When I told her I didn't she told me to go to her old house and grab any tools of my grandpas that I wanted <3